Numerous gains have come with our age of advanced technology. Few, however, will deny the reality of certain losses as well. Among them I count the utility of a printed church directory in favor of a tap-of-the-app digital kind. Granted, an online database makes accessing member contact information a convenience-lover’s dream. But in all the year’s I’ve employed these 21st century church versions, I’ve failed to find them as beneficial to my spiritual life as a good old, handheld, picture-containing church directory.
Major props to the officers of our church for favoring the ancient paths by providing a printed member directory. Who cares if it becomes outdated the moment you publish it? So what if a few more trees must be harvested to print the next edition? Maybe I’m just old and set in ways that prefer to turn pages of a book held in my hands rather than swipe them on a screen, but I find my printed directory so much more conducive to reaping its benefits than my digital options.
Whether you favor the new paths or the old, please consider three ways to use your church directory to the glory of God, the benefit of your church, and the growth of your faith.
One, to keep a covenant promise. Among the sacred things to which we commit in our membership vows is this: “Ever mindful of our fellow members, fellow heirs with Christ, we promise to walk with them in faithfulness, patience, grace and love” (emphasis added). Ever mindful. Talk about a high bar. Our directory contains twenty-nine pages of members with four households per page, except for the last with just two. That’s 114 units. I counted twenty-five of them I’ve yet to meet or know anything about after attending eight months at Grace Fellowship. I expect that number to decrease gradually, but in the meantime the directory helps me keep the still unmet in mind too, along with the rest with whom I already have some connection. More below on how it does that.
Two, to grow in brotherly love. Peter admonishes us, “Above all, love each other deeply” (1 Peter 4:8). Question. Do you feel loved when someone new in your life remembers your name? Of course you do. Names matter. Just read through Romans 16 and Colossians 4. Paul takes great pains to shout out by name all kinds of people and their service to Christ’s church. No matter how hard Jan and I try to recall names on Sundays, we constantly ask each other for help in remembering. But now we have a printed tool with color photos to help us match and review names and faces. And we can make important connections like family relationships that we often miss when just meeting a spouse or another family member. We also recall requests others have asked us to remember on their behalf. Our love for the body grows as a result.
Three, to help with intercessory prayer. None of us survives the battle with spiritual forces without the prayer support of other saints (Eph. 6:18-20). The directory adds a weapon to my devotional life the use of which use doesn’t require all that much additional time or effort. Take one page a day—that’s only four households—and pray a passage/verse of Scripture for each. This month I’m asking the Father to make 2 Peter 3:18 a reality in each household’s life. I add anything personal I know about them as well. Then I pick one of those households and text or email them a quick message of encouragement letting them know I’ve taken them before the Father that day. Do that consistently, or some version better suited to your schedule, and who knows what the Lord might do in our church as a result.
One 9Marks pastor considers a church directory the second most important book a pastor owns. He argues from Hebrews 13:17 for a pastor’s unique accountability for his members’ care which he does not have for Christians elsewhere. They are the sheep of his pasture, not someone else’s. The directory helps keep his priorities focused accordingly. Similarly, members of a local church steward unique accountability and support to their other covenant members in ways unlike other believers they know. Shouldn’t that make our church directories terribly important to us as well?
Brothers and sisters, let’s make good use of our tried-and-true church directories.
Upon retirement I gave away a number of books from my personal library. Among the ones I kept and that lately has captured a part of my quiet time reflection comes from the pen of Puritan Jeremiah Burroughs (1599-1646). The Saints’ Happiness: Forty-One Sermons on the Beatitudes, includes no less than four messages on Matthew 5:9.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
In this post, I have captured a sample of Burrough’s best on this subject so crucial to a legitimate claim to the identity child of God. Read and pursue your happiness, saint!
It is interesting to note the placement of this Beatitude—it is the seventh in order. In Proverbs 6, we find a list of seven things that the Lord hates, and the seventh item mentioned is “one who sows discord among brethren.” In contrast to God’s hatred, the seventh blessing pronounced is upon the peace-makers.
Those who keep themselves pure, with clean hearts and consciences, are peaceable and capable of making peace with others.
A contrary disposition—one that is stubborn and perverse—is cursed. But a peaceable, gentle, and quiet disposition is blessed. Moreover, it is even more blessed to be an instrument in bringing about peace in the places where we live and among those with whom we interact. In the present times, there is a great need for peace-makers.
Blessed are those who, having experienced the blessedness of peace themselves and having obtained peace with God, earnestly desire to bring others into reconciliation with Him. Blessed is the person who, in a gracious manner, labors to draw others into peace with God and whom God blesses in these endeavors.
Jesus Christ’s heart is so committed to being a peace-maker between the world and God that He willingly sheds His blood and even becomes a curse. Consider, you children of men, the vast distance that existed between God and you, and how Christ— both God and man—had to intervene to make peace between you and God. He shed His blood and became a curse to accomplish this great work of God. This, my brethren, is the great mystery of godliness. We should spend our days in admiration, standing, wondering, and blessing our Saviour, the great peace-maker.
To meddle with the subject of peace between man and man is one of the most challenging tasks for any minister, especially during such times. It is difficult because people’s hearts are impure, filled with filth and uncleanness, and how does one go about making peace with them? It is difficult because hardly anyone can bring themselves to acknowledge that they are in any way responsible for the lack of peace among others.
A person who wishes to meddle in matters of peace among others must first ensure that their own relationship with God is well. They must possess a peaceable disposition themselves. If someone of a froward or turbulent disposition were to speak of peace and denounce divisions, everyone would be ready to challenge them. They must exhibit much self-denial, not considering themselves or their own party in any way, but aiming purely for God’s glory and the public good. Therefore, it is evidence of much grace in the heart, and thus the person is blessed. They are blessed when they handle matters wisely, prudently, and graciously.
When you are tempted to a fit of passion, know that the devil expects a great deal of sin to follow. Now blessed are the peace-makers, for they are the means to prevent an abundance of sin. That is a most blessed thing. What greater blessing can a person have than to be an instrument in preventing sin? It is a blessed thing to prevent even one sin, but to be an instrument in preventing so much sin must undoubtedly be blessed.
Blessed are the peace-makers, for they are instrumental for God in a work that He greatly delights in. When you read the Scriptures, you will find no duty more emphasized, backed by arguments, motives, and persuasions, and no duty that has stronger exhortations than peace. Read the Epistles to the Philippians, Ephesians, Colossians, Romans, and Corinthians, and you will consistently find that peace is what the Holy Spirit most persuades men to pursue. Even Christ Himself, the great peace-maker, is concerned not only with peace between God and us but also between man and man.
If people do not have wicked and vile hearts, when their corruption is stirred, and they have bitter thoughts and desperate resolutions, if God sends a person of peace to them—someone who approaches them with a calm and peaceable spirit, persuades them with scripture, and quells their boiling emotions, cooling their passionate hearts and dampening their desperate resolutions—then, if they are not desperately wicked, they will see cause to bless God for it. They will say, “Well, blessed be God who sent such a person to prevent me. I now see that I would have done something I would have later regretted.”
Want to read more? You can access an eBook version on Monergism. More to come soon in a series of posts.
In coaching sessions with folks in conflict with others, I frequently quote Romans 12:18.
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
We can’t hope to control what someone else does about our issue with them, but we can take ownership of our personal approach to the situation. Love constrained by the gospel of Jesus as described in the immediate context (Romans 12:9-17), pulls out all the stops to achieve reconciliation. But what if all attempts fail? Even worse, what if our conciliatory efforts result in increased hostility and sinful behavior from the other party?
Even then gospel love kicks things up another notch. The rest of Romans 12 calls for nothing less than a supernaturally aided, two-fold strategy.
19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Tactic #1 Never try to get even. Leave things with God who rights every wrong in due time. Instead, employ tactic #2: Treat your enemy just the opposite. Don’t repay evil for evil. Refuse to get even; overcome evil with good.
In Robert Peterson’s biography of Robert Chapman: Apostle of Love, he relates a story from the much-beloved life of the 19th century British pastor. It beautifully illustrates the power of a Romans-12 kind of overcoming love.
A grocer in Barnstaple became so upset when Chapman was preaching in the open air that he strode up to where Chapman was standing and spit on him. Later one of Robert’s wealthy relatives came to Barnstaple to visit him and to try and understand his activities. Arriving by horse-drawn cab at the address given to him, the relative at first would not believe that Chapman lived in such a simple abode in such a poor neighborhood. Chapman ushered him into the clean but simple interior and explained what living in dependence on the Lord meant and how the Lord had provided for all his needs.
The relative asked if he could purchase groceries for him. Chapman gladly assented but stipulated that he must buy the food from a certain grocer. The relative went there, made a large purchase, and paid the bill. When the grocer learned that the food was to be delivered to R. C. Chapman, he said that the visitor must have come to the wrong shop. Chapman’s relative, however, replied that Chapman himself had specifically directed him to that shop. The grocer, who had viciously attacked and castigated Chapman for years, broke down in tears. Soon he came to Chapman’s house, asked forgiveness, and yielded his life to Christ.
Perhaps we can’t truly say we’ve done all we possibly can as peacemakers, until we heap some burning coals of good upon the evil heads that spit on us.
I recently added a new page to my website. It’s called Curt’s Links. There you will find additional help for growing as a do-it-best peacemaker and preserver of unity in your church.
All eight ministries listed contribute their unique focus to this area of our spiritual lives. My mentor and friend Ken Sande heads up a particularly valuable resource called Relational Wisdom (aka, “RW360”). The “About” button includes this summary of their mission:
To develop a new generation of training resources that integrate peacemaking, emotional intelligence, coaching and conciliation. These resources are being used to equip people with improved relational skills they can use not only to resolve conflict but also to prevent it from occurring in the first place.
For a twenty-minute introduction to this indispensable tool for your relational WQ, please check out Kirk Cameron’s interview with Ken:
By the way, I have personally completed the online training course and found it very helpful!
Back in my preaching days I often warned folks to beware the onset of “gospel amnesia.” I first heard the term from Paul Tripp in the book How People Change:
You see, if I really do take the gospel seriously, one of the things that I encounter very early, and it’s a theme for me, is how easy it is to be a ‘gospel amnesiac.’ How easy it is in the press of the duties and responsibilities and schedules of everyday life to forget who you are, to forget what you’ve been given. And so, the whole message of Scripture is this: Your walk with God is a community project (emphasis added).
Faithful participation in local church community helps prevent gospel amnesia. It puts us in regular contact with fellow believers committed to helping each other keep the gospel the main thing (1 Cor. 15:1-4). The apostle Paul aimed numerous “one-another” passages in his epistles to equip us to that end. One text often overlooked for its value is 2 Cor. 13:12. “Greet one another with a holy kiss.”
WHAT IS A HOLY KISS?
He means nothing sensual at all. This form of physical contact is holy. The gesture is spiritual, not fleshly. In the ancient world, among the Jews and other cultures (even in parts of the world today) people greeted each other—normally males with males and females with females—by a light touch of the lips, first on one cheek and then on the other. The early church adopted the same, often after baptisms as a way of welcoming new converts into the church and during communion to welcome repentant folks who returned to the table. We find this same exhortation in several other places in the New Testament: Rom. 16:16; 1 Cor. 16:20; 1 Thess. 5:26; and 1 Pet. 5:14 (where Peter calls it the kiss of love). The repetition of the command emphasized its importance.
Why does Paul close his letter on this note? What would possess him to direct them to make sure they engage in such an intimate, personal expression of love toward one another as he concludes the epistle? It has everything to do with the kinds of issues he addresses in the letter. The Corinthian church experienced trouble on multiple fronts. They suffered division in their ranks (2 Cor. 12:20), corrupt teaching from false apostles (2 Cor. 11:4), grave sin that needed discipline and restoration (2 Cor. 2:5-8), among other things. Paul now wraps up the letter with a finally in v. 11 to put a summary recap on everything he has said.
NO PEACEFAKING ALLOWED!
I suppose you can approach somebody you would really rather not have anything to do with by getting so up close and personal, but don’t call it holy. And it’s really hard to do! To engage somebody on that level of intimacy where you will go cheek-to-cheek normally means you’ve got no impediments blocking your relationship. Having to do this kind of thing in a fellowship of believers can help ensure that peacemaking, not peace-faking or peace-breaking, actually does go on.
Do we get the point? The gospel shapes our community when we engage one another genuinely with culturally appropriate greetings of affection. And it just may be that exceptional situations, where deep affection has grown over time, or other extraordinary circumstances, might warrant a kiss on one or both cheeks. It has happened to me on occasion, and it has blessed me with the degree of love expressed. But as a rule something more may benefit us than the token handshake of our culture, though that’s better than nothing and can be done with genuine warmth. Please consider that “holy hugs” (men with women and vice versa remember—side hugs or A-frame only) may well capture a whole lot more of the spirit of what the Bible teaches here than the casual wave or minimal greeting.
Whatever means of expressing greetings we use, let them be genuine. Right now, what do you do? Ball up your fist and hit somebody’s knuckles. So I think what the apostles want to do is encourage us to use various culturally appropriate symbols of greeting, and sanctify them and make them holy. What do we do? We ball up our fists and we do fist bumps with each other. I hardly ever know what to do. Somebody makes a fist at me and I think: Oh yeah, I am supposed to punch you on the fist. What is that? I don’t know where that comes from or what that is, but I do it. And I think Paul would look at that and he would say, “I encourage all of you guys to fist bump with a holy fist bump.” That this what he is getting at: take the culturally appropriate means of showing brotherhood or camaraderie or affection and make them holy.
If the idea of giving someone else in the body a “holy kiss” seems unpleasant, even repugnant to you, you more than likely have some peacemaking to do. Prayerfully consider taking initiative to close the gap in love. May Jesus’s peacemaking power and the gospel’s impetus help us move into one another’s lives with holy, tangible expressions of intimacy.
Remember that classic Forrest Gump quote? “Stupid is as stupid does.” The same goes for any subject we consider. The proof is in the doing.
I built my book around the Ephesian 4:3 call to the all-important doing of guarding church unity.
Make every effort to keep the oneness of the Spirit in the bond of peace [each individual working together to make the whole successful]. Amplified Bible
Do your best to maintain the unity of the Spirit by means of the bond of peace. International Standard Version
Eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. English Standard Version
Whatever the translation—eager, make every effort, do your best—we get the point. Nothing less than our very best effort will suffice as guardians of peace in the local church.
To that end, please test your eager-is-as-eager-does quotient by these eleven marks of peacemaking excellence:
Let the peace of Christ rule in your heart (Col. 3:15).
Puritan Jeremiah Burroughs said it well: “There is nothing makes a man or woman to be of a peaceable disposition more than when they find satisfaction within their own hearts.” The Christian relishes no greater delight than knowing he has peace with God having been justified by faith (Rom. 5:1). When that reality rules the heart, a peaceable disposition impacts how we engage challenging relationships.
Pray passionately for peace among God’s people (John 17:21).
Intercede often for this. Ask, seek, and knock with petitions that plead with the Lord to protect the peace and purity of your church. We do not have because we do not ask (James 4:2). Consider praying something like David did in Psalm 122:6-9:
Pray for the peace of Jerusalem! “May they be secure who love you! Peace be within your walls and security within your towers!” For my brothers and companions’ sake I will say, “Peace be within you!” For the sake of the house of the LORD our God, I will seek your good.
Get equipped with tools for effective conflict resolution (Heb. 12:14).
Do not be ignorant of Satan’s schemes (2 Cor. 2:11)! He delights to divide (Matt. 12:22-28). Your fight is not ultimately with your brother you can see, but with your archenemy you can’t see. Use all the mighty weapons of your warfare (2 Cor 10:4).
Guard your heart from the deceitfulness of sin. Conflict often reveals you to be your own worst enemy. Extract any logs in your own eye before attempting surgery on the specks in your brother’s (Matt. 7:3-5). Determine to be controlled only by the Holy Spirit and to manifest His fruit at all times (Gal. 5:22-23). Do whatever it takes on your part to make peace with others (Rom. 12:18). You may only be 2% responsible in a conflict, but you are 100% responsible for your 2%.
Never sacrifice gospel truth in the name of love, but never champion biblical truth at the expense of love. You may end up no better than a good-for-nothing clanging cymbal or noisy gong (1 Cor. 13:1-3). Often the manner in which you engage a conflict matters as much, if not more, than the issue at stake.
Don’t fixate on the opposing positions which present within a conflict. Explore the underlying concerns which often illuminate the why behind some desired outcome. Ask probing questions to draw out motives of the heart. Idols get revealed, compromises get made, and agreement gets reached when we care for more than our own interests.
When individual peacemaking efforts stall, ascend higher up conflict’s slippery slope to pursue assisted peacemaking. Ask a pastor, counselor, or mature believer with some knowledge and skill in this area to help mediate the dispute. Two are better than one (Ecc. 4:9-12).
Don’t be surprised by divisions and schisms in the church when they occur. Jesus warned about the inevitability of testing/temptations (Matt. 18:7). By necessity they sift the flock to separate the genuine from the bogus. Peacemakers shine forth in such crises by the way they pass the tests which threaten unity.
Conflicts within the church can and do inflict serious wounds. No wonder Paul calls us to patient forbearing (Eph. 4:2) with our brothers and sisters’ faults! That said, some circumstances may result in the need to change churches, but please never entertain the notion of abandoning local church participation entirely. She is God’s Plan A for accomplishing the Great Commission (Matt. 16:18).
Keep perspective. God is never outdone. Conflict is not an accident; it’s an assignment from God to honor and glorify him, to grow in Christlikeness, and to love and serve others. He will always use it for your good no matter how hard the task at hand.
Well, how do you stack up? Where might you up your eager-for-unity game in moving forward? I challenge you to focus on just one thing from the list for the next forty days in the interest of the peace and good of your local church.
I’d love to pray for you. Please message me with your request in the comment section below.
My preparation for a lifetime of pastoral ministry spanned some fifteen years of formal education. Three earned degrees profited me in many ways. But their value paled in comparison to lessons gained over greater time in the school of God’s providence. Ecclesiastes 7:14 sums up the curriculum: In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him. Days of adversity—hard providence—make particularly good tutors for valuable lessons in character development.
In my last post Schlump or Sage, I promised next to visit 1 Samuel 24-26 for insight on how God works in this way. (Please click there to read those chapters.) They form a unit where we find David—heir apparent to Israel’s throne—with God in the school of hard providence. He continually escaped King Saul’s bloodthirsty wrath on the run in the wilderness of Judah. Chapter 24 records a dramatic cave encounter where David nearly capitalized on Saul’s vulnerability—going even so far as to cut off a corner of his robe—symbolic of his kingship. But conscience-stricken he stopped short: “The LORD forbid that I should do this thing to my lord, the LORD’s anointed, to put out my hand against him, seeing he is the LORD’s anointed.” Lesson learned: not my prerogative, God’s. Wait for his timing. Similar training awaits David with Saul again in chapter 26:
9 But David said to Abishai, “Do not destroy him, for who can put out his hand against the Lord’s anointed and be guiltless?” 10 And David said, “As the Lord lives, the Lord will strike him, or his day will come to die, or he will go down into battle and perish. 11 The Lord forbid that I should put out my hand against the Lord’s anointed.
David feared God to disobey Leviticus 19:18: You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD. He gets the wisdom of Proverbs 20:22: Do not say, “I will repay evil”; wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you.
At first blush, chapter 25 seems out of place. Saul shows up just once in the narrative. A different cast of characters join the story. What’s this mess with moron Nabal and rockstar Abigail all about? THE SAME LESSON! Beware the evil of bloodguilt. Check out David’s bottom line in v. 32:
32 And David said to Abigail, “Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me! 33 Blessed be your discretion, and blessed be you, who have kept me this day from bloodguilt and from working salvation with my own hand! 34 For as surely as the Lord, the God of Israel, lives, who has restrained me from hurting you, unless you had hurried and come to meet me, truly by morning there had not been left to Nabal so much as one male.”
A lesson so important as this to the man after God’s own heart warrants three long chapters to drive it home. Avoid shedding blood not yours to spill. Refuse the temptation to take matters best left up to God into your own hands. Learn to tame rage by cultivating self-restraint.
Here again is the point: The Lord uses trials like conflict to grow us in the virtues of self-restraint and waiting on Him. God uses four things to shape David’s character in this conflict: a great loss, a harsh offense, a wise woman, and a just end.
A great loss (1). The text opens on an ominous note: Now Samuel died. One commentary notes: Since the days of Moses and Joshua, no man had arisen to whom the covenant nation owed so much as to Samuel, who has been justly called the reformer and restorer of the theocracy. Samuel. Last of the judges, first of the prophets. A nation mourns. Most importantly—this friend, mentor, advisor, and guide to David whom he anointed in chapter 16 is gone. Puritan Matthew Henry noted: The loss is the more grievous at this juncture when Saul has grown so outrageous and David is driven from his country; never more need of Samuel than now, yet now he is removed.
Saul had acknowledged David’s right to the throne (24:20), but David—leery of his adversary—still retreated to his stronghold (22). Samuel’s death prompts an even deeper flight south. David was likely unnerved by the development, perhaps even fearful about renewed madness from Saul. Take note. Loss can make you vulnerable. It can set you up for unbelief and leave you off your guard for temptation. God’s man would need to learn the lesson driven home multiple times to Joshua after the death of his mentor and spiritual giant, Moses: Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go (Joshua 1:9). In adversity, consider. God makes it to transform us more and more into the likeness of Jesus.
A harsh offense (2-13). David’s request for provisions for his band of brothers smacks to 21st century readers of running a protection racket. No way. Festival times like sheep-shearing meant lavish celebration and deep-pockets Nabal partied like royalty (36). Ancient Eastern cultural sentiment regarded generous hospitality a virtue even without the kind of guardian services David’s men provided from enemy brigands that the household staff called “a wall to us night and day” (16). And the petition by the ten emissaries represented David peaceably, respectfully, and perhaps even professionally since this may have been a kind of invitation to an ongoing contractual arrangement.
Nabal doesn’t simply decline the request for aid; he insults the Lord’s anointed with utter contempt. Verse 10: And Nabal answered David’s servants, “Who is David? Who is the son of Jesse? There are many servants these days who are breaking away from their masters. Don’t miss this. Nabal is Saul’s alter ego—a God-ordained surrogate stand-in. He even sounds like Saul—this son of Jesse. In Saul David duels with a man corrupted by power; in Nabal he feuds with a soul enslaved by wealth (11). Providence tests David’s heart as to what rules it through temptation triggered by both enemies in these 3 chapters. He passes with flying colors in 24 and 26 but nearly flunks fatally here in 25. Verse 13 says it all:
And David said to his men, “Every man strap on his sword!” And every man of them strapped on his sword. David also strapped on his sword. And about four hundred men went up after David, while two hundred remained with the baggage. Verses 21-22 further reveal just how hijacked by rage David had become: Now David had said, “Surely in vain have I guarded all that this fellow has in the wilderness, so that nothing was missed of all that belonged to him, and he has returned me evil for good. God do so to the enemies of David and more also, if by morning I leave so much as one male of all who belong to him.”
Yikes! Who is this David and what has become of the one in 24? Matthew Henry again: If one vexation seems to be over, we must not be secure; a storm may arise from some other point. What you do with and how you react to an egregious personal offense that threatens to trigger an emotional, verbal, text-FB-email, voicemail, and/or face to face murder-in-the-heart rampage says a whole lot about who’s on the throne of your heart at any given moment—the flesh or the Spirit. Are you beast or beauty? The Lord must teach his servant the wisdom of Proverbs 16:32: Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city. David acts like Saul here; he desperately needs a “David” to intercept a pending disaster of his own doing which would cost him the throne. The Lord uses trials like conflict to grow us in the virtues of self-restraint and waiting on Him.
A wise woman (14-35). Enter Abagail. How Nabal landed this Proverbs 31 jewel defies imagination! She is everything in discretion and beauty that her pitbull beast of a husband is not. Tipped off by providential info from a servant about the impending disaster, she intervenes on behalf of her worthless husband. She navigates a masterful mediation that saves the day. She models Matthew 5:9blessed-are-the-peacemakers skill—she is swift, decisive, generous, courageous, respectful, responsible, repentant, looking out for other’s interests, God-centered, and confident.
Let’s zero in on just one aspect of this the longest recorded speech by a woman in the Old Testament. Notice the first words out of her mouth face-down before David in v. 24. On me alone, my lord, be the guilt. She took responsibility. Mine’s the blame. She stood in the gap—ultimately averting David’s wrath. Nana Dolce, in a TGC blog post, helps us see that we have here more than a just-be-like wise, masterfully persuasive Abigail:
In Abigail we find something more stunning: a glimpse of the wise Mediator who charged forward to face wrath on behalf of foolish sinners—Jesus. This Mediator offered not just wisdom but his own life: “For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—but . . . while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. . . . We have now been justified by his blood, [therefore] much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God” (Rom. 5:7–9). To miss the shadow of the gospel in Abigail’s narrative is to miss the Mediator who turned away God’s wrath to reconcile us to the Father in the biggest story ever told. God brings us conflict as an assignment to help us grow in Christ-likeness through him who bore the wrath for sins like vengeful anger.
A just end (36-44). Abigail’s report to sobered-up Nabal about her actions proves too much for him. Verse 37: his heart died within him, and he became as a stone. Stroke? Heart attack? Not sure. But the writer leaves no doubt about the outcome in v. 38: And about ten days later the LORD struck Nabal, and he died. David’s words in v. 39 reveal a huge I-get-it:
When David heard that Nabal was dead, he said, “Blessed be the LORD who has avenged the insult I received at the hand of Nabal, and has kept back his servant from wrongdoing. The LORD has returned the evil of Nabal on his own head.” Then David sent and spoke to Abigail, to take her as his wife.
Have you learned this Romans 12:19 lesson? Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord.” God is not mocked. Whatever we sow, we reap. David passed the anger test here thanks to Abigail’s extraordinary help. But the rest of the text hints that he failed to apply the principle of self-restraint and disciplined waiting in another area of testing: the temptation to lust.
He multiplied wives. He began the “taking” Samuel warned that kings would do (8:11-18). Abigail (42). Ahinoam (43). How can we not see a portent of the Bathsheba disgrace of 2 Samuel 11? And the spilt blood of her husband Uriah? Bloodguilt haunted David and its consequences plagued his descendants from that point on.
No wonder Jesus taught us to pray in Matthew 6:13: Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. And warned in Matthew 26:14: Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. Genesis 4:7 pertains to us all: Sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it. How? Rely on the strength of the One who waited on the Father with perfect self-restraint under Satan’s temptations in Matthew 4 and arm yourself with the precious promise of 1 Corinthians 10:13: No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
J. I. Packer advised: [God] leaves us in a world of sin to be tried, tested, belaboured by troubles that threaten to crush us—in order that we may glorify Him by our patience under suffering, and in order that He may display the riches of His grace and call forth new praises from us as He constantly upholds and delivers us.
And I venture to add, works in us virtues of self-restraint and patient waiting on Him.
Difference between the two? How we handle our anger. So warns Proverbs, God’s book of wisdom.
“A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back” (29:11).
“The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult” (12:16).
“A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention” (15:18).
“Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city” (16:32).
James, the Proverbs of the Old Testament, adds its “Amen.”
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (1:19-20).
Permission to ask the obvious but hard question? Where do you rate on the schlump/sage scale? Are you more the hothead, short-tempered, blow-your-fuse type or the cool, calm, collected self-restraint type? Most, I suspect, fall somewhere in between the two extremes.
True confession. Been there done the schlump thing. I tell one sad tale of my struggle with anger in my book. In a particularly challenging season of parenting two young teens, our family sought help from a Christian counselor. When asked to pick an animal which best described their experience of me, their dad, both boys offered the same response: grizzly bear. Get the picture? Busted. Thankfully, I might add.
I certainly don’t profess to qualify as a sage. But with God’s help I have been learning how to move the needle further away from the folly of my rage more to the wisdom of patient self-restraint. And more than not, the Lord has used painful circumstances like that therapy session to work gradual change in my story.
In my next few posts, I plan to camp out on a season in the life of David spanning First Samuel 24-26. There we find the man after God’s own heart enrolled in a training-for-kingship curriculum of God’s design. I call it the school of God’s providence (the holy, wise, and powerful acts by which he preserves and governs all his creatures, and all their actions). Ecclesiastes 7:14 counsels, In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him. Days of adversity—hard providence—make particularly good tutors for valuable lessons in character development.
I will aim to convince you from the text of this central truth: The Lord uses trials like conflict to grow us in the virtues of self-restraint and waiting on Him. We will look at four things God uses to shape David’s character through a conflict: a great loss, a harsh offense, a wise woman, and a just end.
May the result in us be less shlumpness and more sageness for His glory and our joy.
A Review of Dr. Tim Cooper’s Book (Crossway, 2024)
Subtitled “Lessons from the Fractured Relationship of John Owen and Richard Baxter,” this helpful peacemaking resource opens with a spoiler alert: “There is no happy ending.” In these 167 pages, readers face a reality check.
Relationships rupture even among the best of believers. With this summary tale from seventeenth century English Christianity, we force down a bitter pill: two of church history’s giant leaders bickered over decades only to bog down “into a fixed and mutual dislike.”
They went to glory unreconciled. No happy ending indeed. Before reading further or after, you may wish to view here for a biblical account with a happier conclusion:
Or perhaps not entirely sad, if we learn the lessons that a four-hundred-year-past dispute offers. Cooper wrote this book with just that aim in mind. He performs a thorough Owen/Baxter relational postmortem. He records insightful observations and practical conclusions for negotiating our own context of conflict.
You need not fear the theological and historical sections interspersed throughout the book. They provide the necessary contexts for gleaning the peacemaking takeaways to be had. The rewards warrant any effort required by those who feel challenged by such content.
Cooper writes charitably. While leaning hard into Owen and Baxter’s faults for the purposes of this study, he doesn’t fail to remind us of the many virtues and gospel good works on display in their stories—both literarily and pastorally. They were indeed two good men, but like all of us, a mixed bag.
What follows this balanced disclaimer is a dissection of multiple forces—outside their control—which profoundly shaped the men over time. The author argues persuasively for how these things contributed to their relational demise.
He details their experience of a civil war, their geographical settings, their contrasting personalities, their theological debates (argued in print), their initial contact, their eventual in-person collision (ironically in a project designed to foster unity and mend division), and, last but not least, their lingering memory of past hurts that left them both bitter and resentful. Good grief! What a mess. Sound familiar? If so, you need to read this book.
You will find particularly helpful, as did I, the book’s conclusion. Cooper muses over five possibilities which may have resulted in a happy ending, not a sad one. What if there had been a mediator to assist them? What if they had focused more on what held them together and less on what drove them apart? What if they had paid more attention to the many Bible verses which summon us to unity and concord? What if they had manifested greater humility and less pride in their dealings with one another? Ouch! What if they could see what we can see with the advantage of distance and hindsight?
Do we see? If so, Dr. Cooper will have achieved his aim: “In understanding their story, perhaps we can better understand our own narratives. If we can see what they missed, perhaps we will have a much clearer idea of what we may be missing.”
